Daily Archives: January 19, 2006

Lawyers, Guns & Money

Thu, 19 Jan 2006 21:17:52

This posting has nothing to do with guns and very little to do with money but I love Warren Zevon’s music so sue me. On with the show such as it is. Those of you who know me in real life (no not the MTV faux reality show) know that I am a lapsed lawyer and rarely have anything good to say about lawyers or litigation. Today I am singing from a different hymnal. Praise be to federal lawsuits. Amen.

Suit-1  The Election Litigation: Yesterday Federal Judge Ivan (The Not So Terrible) Lemelle ordered the state of Louisiana to come up with a concrete plan to hold elections in Orleans Parish by Tuesday January 24. Secretary of State Not Fox indicated that he should be able to hold elections on April 22 with runoffs on May 20. Before getting his ass sued Not Fox claimed that elections could not possibly be held before September 30. The story in today’s local rag vexed me: it made it sound as if Not Fox was being magnanimous. That’s nonsense. The real hero of this case was plaintiffs lawyer Justin Zitler. Justin is best described as a shark with a heart of gold and I mean that as a compliment. Yes I *am* biased because the Z-Man is my friend but he performed a public service in forcing the State to do albeit grudgingly the right thing. Here’s what the Z-Man said to the press after the hearing: ““Lawsuits actually do serve a purpose.  Now we have firm dates.  Let the campaigns begin.  The true winners here are the voters in New Orleans.” Attaboy Z-Man.

Suit-2 The Not So Fast Litigation: They were busy on Camp Street yesterday: Federal Judge Martin Feldman brokered a compromise between the Nagin Administration and property owners that will provide an orderly process for blowing stuff up. Homeowners must be notified *prior* to Chief Clone Greg Meffert dispatching teams of Oompah-Loompahs on bulldozers to raze damaged buildings. Adrastos has learned that there’s no truth to the rumor that homeowners will be notified by means of bits of gold paper in Wonka bars.

These cases show that there’s still some hope of obtaining justice in the federal courts at least until King George the W completes packing the judiciary with wingnuts and psalm-singing sons of bitches. His latest Supreme Court appointee Judge Scalito I mean Alito looks like one of those lawyers who stepped out of a coffin. Get some sun Sammy boy…