SPECIAL SESSION SAUCE/THE GREAT POTHOLIO/SKANKY WORKMEN

Mon, 06 Feb 2006 17:49:58

Item-1 Special Session Sauce: I’m not sure if it’s time to be scared or glad: Governor Meemaw has called the Legislature into special session. The agenda focuses so much on Debrisville that Meemaw will be giving her session opening speech here at the  Convention Center. I hope they have enough supplies for the pols. Btw it’s the first time in 125 years that the Legislature has met outside of storm ravaged Baton Rouge. (Note to my readers without ties to Red Stick: the people there act as if *they* took the brunt of Katrina. They never stop whining about it. In the immortal words of part-time New Orleans resident Raymond Douglas Davies: “It is time for you to stop all your sobbing.”)

The Gov’s special session call focuses heavily on recovery and reforming NOLA’s bloated government. It’s so bloated that even a big government social democrat like me wants them to make some changes. In Orleans Parish it seems as if every public official is elected: that’s how we wound up with the 7 Dwarfs aka tax assessors. Apparently going down to 1 assessor would immediately save us 800K with more savings down the road. Just imagine the headlines: Meemaw stomps on the 7 dwarfs Dopey flips out Grumpy weeps.

Governor Meemaw also plans to take legislators on a tour of the worst hit areas. Many of them are balking but I think those North Louisiana legislators *really* need to see what happened here. Then maybe they won’t divert recovery money to tennis courts in Bossier City or parking lots in Monroe. I’m a dreamer I know…

Speaking of special session sauciness: In Sunday’s Picayune   James (Bunkie Boy) Gill  wrote an hilarious column that’s worth quoting from:

“All official documents in Baton Rouge of course are written by a team of Martians who have been kept in the Capitol basement ever since their spaceship crashed next to Huey Long’s statue. “

Bunkie Boy also takes a look at the upcoming Crazytown mayoral race:

“Landrieu may well end up serving four or eight years as mayor of New Orleans since conventional wisdom says the job is his for the taking now that Katrina has changed the demographics. There are those who say that only a lunatic would want to be mayor these days and Ray Nagin’s recent pronouncements suggest he is amply qualified for re-election on that score.”

Yeah you right Mr. Gill. Sorry about that Bunkie Boy thing. Save the upper bunkie for me…

Item-2  The Great Potholio:
The streets here were always B-A-D and I don’t mean that in the James Brown sense of the word either. But post-K the potholes have turned into craters. Hand-lettered signs warning drivers about upcoming car eaters are popping up like mushrooms around town. Merci y’all. The biggest pothole near Adrastos World HQ is on the riverbound side of Napoleon Avenue near Coliseum Street. It’s been there so long that I’m thinking of naming it. How does the Great Potholio sound?

People here compete to claim that they have the bull goose (aka biggest) pothole; it’s become a parlor game. Speaking of parlor games the Council of Clowns and C Ray’s krewe of clones are playing pass the pothole buck. Last weekend a city spokesman actually said that they weren’t fixing the potholes because the big ass trucks driven by the dumbass relief workers would just tear them up again anyway. (The adverbs are mine all mine.) Chief flack Forman changed that tune but the potholes remain unfilled.

Item-3 Skanky Workmen Fuel Strip Club Boom: Just when you think that the news from Debrisville couldn’t get any weirder it does. There’s a story in Monday’s local rag about the strip club boom fueled by relief and construction workers. Makes you proud to be an American doesn’t it?

Check this quote out from a waitress (do they still call them B-Girls?) at Rick’s on Bourbon Street:

“Lambert said not all the men are motivated by skin. Some are bored and some are just plain homesick. “I had a guy from Mississippi tell me to please stop emptying his ashtray so he could feel more at home ” she said.”

Full ashtrays are homey? I did not know that he said in his best Johnny Carson imitation. Somebody call Martha Stewart and let her know.

You can tell that there’s a rougher crowd in the Quarter these days. It’s scary to be nostalgic for drunken frat boys and shit-faced conventioneers from Dubuque but we are. Dr. A’s co-dependent co-worker has lived in the heart of the Vieux Carre for years and says that it’s the noisiest its ever been. And that’s saying a lot y’all

We need relief from the relief workers and rescuing from our rescuers.  Kicking skanky workmen ass sounds like a job for Mike Hammer but he prefers classic burlesque strip joints and wouldn’t be caught dead in the Hustler Club. Mike has values folks.

Hey I know I’ll have Mike call fellow fictional characters Tony Soprano and Silvio Dante and get them to invite our skanky workmen to Badda Bing. They’d know what to do if any of those creeps disrespected da Bing.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: