THE GANG OF 19: ACT TWO

Fri, 17 Mar 2006 17:17:58

I threatened to give y’all more of my impressions and I don’t make empty threats.

Baldest Candidate: This is a close race but C Ray is the only one who shaves his pate so he gets the edge. The also-rans: Mitch Landrieu Rob (The Jerk) Couhig Leo Watermeier and the Indian Guy.

Conversation With God Award: There are a  boatload of candidates who seem to talk to the big fella all the time: Crazy Kim Mad Marie and C Ray but the winner is Norbert Rome. Mr. Rome informed the audience that he not only was told by Jahweh that he should run for Mayor but that Crazy Kim was there when it happened. I like it when the candidates get along…

The Mardi Gras Is A Pagan Festival Award: Also goes to Norbert Rome who is not a Baptist preacher he just sounds like one. Rome delivered a fairly lengthy harangue about Carnival’s homage to pagan gods. It was most amusing since I’m old pagan stock myself. Mr. Rome also declared that his first act as Mayor would be to pray. If he is somehow elected Mayor I’ll say a few prayers of deliverance myself to Bacchus…

Worst Recycled Campaign Cliche: 
Peggy Wilson kept trying to be the Ronald Reagan of NOLA politics by denouncing “Welfare Queens.” I prefer Oliver’s term “soap opera watchers” myself.  Hmm I wonder if Peggy’s campaign will adopt Neil Young’s “Welfare Mothers” as her campaign theme song? It has the catchy refrain:  Welfare mothers make better lovers…

Goofiest Campaign Cliche: Gorilla Ron Forman told us that he’s been dreaming for 33 years and that he’s “a dreamer and a doer.” Thanks for sharing Ronbo. I hope you wake up some time soon…

The Helen Reddy Memorial Award
: Goes to Mad Marie Galatas who informed the crowd that it’s time for a woman to be Mayor of Crazytown. Maybe so but we don’t need a crazy woman as Mayor to follow the crazy incumbent. Btw I’m not sure if Helen Reddy is still alive and I’m too lazy to google her.

A Suggestion For The Arts Candidate: James Arey is the self-proclaimed arts candidate. Here’s my suggestion: subsidize local bloggers; espescially those of Greek ancestry. It’s our turn to wallow in the public troth. Hey if Bishop Paul Morton. Rev. Tom Watson and Uncle Glen Haydel can be on the payroll why not  those of us who dwell in the blogosphere?

Only Male Candidate To Get A “Guy Hug” From Cranky Norman Award:
The winner is my boy Manny Chevrolet Bruno. A “guy hug” is when a manly man grasps another man’s shoulder and squeezes it lightly. Norman obviously got a kick out of Manny Chevrolet’s witty answers and rewarded the candidate with a firm handshake followed by a “guy hug.” You da Manny…

The Serious Bit: There was only a bit of race baiting last night but it reached its apogee with who else that notorious black racist Rev. Tom Watson. Watson made the astonishing assertion that he would reinstate the sensitivity training regimen proposed and quickly abandoned last summer by then NOPD Chief Eddie Compass. Why was it dropped? It was to be run by Dennis Muhammad of the Nation Of Islam; a protege of Mr. Sensitive himself Louis Farrakhan. That’s right the nation’s leading anti-semite and the man widely suspected by among others the Shabazz family of planning the assassination of Malcolm X.

After hearing this bombshell I quickly scrawled a question in the hopes that it would be asked in the audience question portion but it was not. I hope someone will have the cojones to ask Watson to clarify and expand upon his answer. Hey at least it proves that Watson won’t pander to the members of Temple Sinai which was the site of the forum. He’ll repulse and repel them but not pander to them…

And The Winners Are:  The organizers of the event and moderator Norman Robinson who pulled off a fairly coherent and highly entertaining forum despite having a small army of candidates onstage.

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