Monthly Archives: April 2006

SHAKIN’ THE TREE FOR GORILLA RON FORMAN

Mon, 10 Apr 2006 20:17:18

The Picayune made it official yesterday and endorsed Gorilla Ron Forman for Mayor. On one level it’s not surprising Gorilla Ron has spent the last 30 years cultivating the “right sort of people.” On the other hand Forman is running a bad boring and very bland campaign; even some of his supporters concede that. He has performed poorly at the candidates forums and his TV ads are bland focus group driven pap. Four years ago when the TP endorsed C Ray he was clearly the candidate on the rise; this time the Picayune endorsement will serve to keep Gorilla Ron’s foundering campaign afloat. It’s still hard to see him finishing higher than third but this election is so out there that who the hell knows.  I’ve got a call into the Oracle of Delphi but she hasn’t returned it. It’s kind of like calling Councilwoman Renee Gill-Pratfall’s office…

The Forman endorsement has the earmarks of coming down from the publisher’s office. It’s rather disappointing in light of the Picayune’s refusal to endorse the Beavis-Duce ticket for re-election 2 years ago. The TP used to be reactionary up and down the line and I hoped that the non-endorsement in 2004 was an indication of better things to come. Obviously it was not.

I’ve told several of my more conservative friends who are flirting with voting for Forman that they should go all the way and vote for Rob Couhig. He may be a jerk but there’s some substance and intellect to his candidacy. He’s also been the liveliest candidate at all the forums: he’s the one most willing to go after C Ray’s abysmal post-K record. Gorilla Ron’s only forum high point was when he touched Peggy Wilson’s shoulder on WWL and she snapped at him: “Don’t touch me.” That ain’t much of a highlight y’all. It just a sign of La Peggy’s legendary snarkiness…

Several of my local blogging colleagues have posted some interesting thoughts about the upcoming election in the last two days. Check out Mark at the Wet Bank Guide and Jeffrey at The Library Chronicles. Jeffrey is the guy who calls a plutocrat a plutocrat. I’m the guy who calls them the Momus/Comus/Rex cabal. But whatever you call them Gorilla Ron is definitely their man. The owners of the city always like an employee who kicks down and kisses up. That’s Gorilla Ron in a nutshell.

 BROWNIE TO HELP DA PARISH?

Sun, 09 Apr 2006 05:00:00

Just when I think that New Orleans is the craziest place on the planet someone else chimes in. In this instance it’s our neighbors in Da Parish. The local rag reported this morning that the St. Bernard Parish Council is considering hiring former FEMA fashion god Michael Brown as a consultant. Parish President Junior (Juneya) Rodriguez said that:

“We’ve been having trouble with FEMA ” Rodriguez said adding “I think he certainly would be an asset.”

Although FEMA and Brown came under withering attack for the agency’s post-hurricane performance Rodriguez thinks recent information that Brown had indeed warned the Bush administration of Katrina’s potential destruction vindicates Brown.

“They were crucifying him and then the tapes came out showing that they knew all along ” Rodriguez said.

Plus he added Brown “is still on good terms with President Bush.”

Yo Juneya just because Brownie wasn’t lying doesn’t make him competent. Along with Rummy Brownie is the poster boy for Bush administration ineptitude. He gets along with President Beavis? How touching. That just means that his head is still up the royal ass. Sucking up to Beavis has gotten Louisiana nowhere. W is a bully and bullies only understand one thing: a 2 X 4 upside the head. Besides W’s poll ratings are in the toilet and Congressional Repubs are like rats scurrying for cover right now. Hey Juneya Congress holds the purse strings and Brownie is about as popular on Capitol Hill as the Army Corps Of Engineers is in Debrisville.

The scary thing is that Juneya isn’t the only official in Da Parish who thinks hiring Brownie is a good idea. Juneya passed the crack pipe to Councilmen Joey DiFatta Craig Taffaro and Tony “Ricky” Melerine. Now Joey DiFatta may have one of my favorite names in local politics but if he doesn’t reconsider this position I’ll have to start calling him Joey DiFattahead. This idea is so goofy that it sounds like something C Ray would come up with. And who the hell wants to be compared to C Ray right now?

I think Juneya and his allies need a 12-step program that treats people who say incredibly stupid things in public. If they find one they should invite C Ray and White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan to join them…

FORUM FOLLIES WEDNESDAY EDITION: THE TUSSLE AT TOURO

Fri, 07 Apr 2006 05:32:07

The subject header is an exaggeration. Yeah I know it’s a first for this blog. I usually serve up the facts straight up a la Quentin Brown. One could actually call it the decorum forum but that’s a dull title y’all. As you may have noticed I’m more interested in the bits before and after the forum than the forum itself. If you want to know the candidates positions on the issues read their web sites. Besides it’s my fricking blog…

Before we left for the forum the doorbell rang. I thought it was Harvard Boy with a Stacy Head sign to plant in the garden but it was Sheriff Zitler instead. He brought us some of his new signs as well as lapel and bumper stickers. They were hot off the presses so hot that I had a blue ink schmeer on my hands. I felt like a human bagel.

We got to Touro Synagogue at around 6:15 for the 7PM event. We arrived at the same time as Dr. A’s  overqualified sign waver Debbie. They made an excellent team; keeping the candidates on their toes and preventing another Quentin Brown coup d’forum. Power to the timekeepers was the theme of the evening; not as uplifting as power to the people but eminently more practical. We’re concerned about global warming so we wanted to cut down on the hot air in the sanctuary…

Forum organizer Ed McGinnis was there supervising everything. Ed is a crisp corporate type who runs a very tight ship. I’m not enamored of going to meetings but Ed believes in keeping things brief. I dig brevity y’all; except of course when it comes to blogging…

The candidates started rolling in early. I was cornered by Rebecca Landry. It turned out that her father was a close friend and supporter of my former boss and political role model Congressman X. We traded stories for several minutes but then I reminded her that she needed to talk to people she didn’t already know. She protested: “But you’re more interesting.” Rebecca is seriously deluded y’all. Either that or she knows some pretty dull people…

After I left Rebecca I went outside to help Bob Julie and Amy with the door. Our goal was to let the riff raff in: we succeeded. Julie who is the unofficial publicist for this blog told more people about it. Aw shucks Julie. I hope you’re not expecting any pay offs. My dee-duct box is missing. Unless that is I get my swag from Jeff and Marc of roofing fame. Ya hear me Jeff?

My most interesting pre-forum encounter was with the incumbent Renee Gill-Pratfall. It was the first time that we’d ever spoken for more than 48 seconds. We didn’t talk politics and to my surprise I found her to be a pleasant woman. Shane Landry has been telling me that Renee is a good person who is a bad councilwoman but I was skeptical. I found out that he’s right.  Shane is irritating that way. Renee is a symptom of our political maladies in Debrisville not the disease itself which is machine politics as personified by Dollar Bill Jefferson. Dollar Bill is Renee’s opposite: a good Congressman but as a person… no comment.

After my close encounter with RGP Shep and Ann Zitler pulled up in front of the temple. I went over to see if they needed any help: Shep is 88. He assured me that he didn’t need any help getting up the stairs. I watched him carefully but he did okay. He’s a very proud man. As always he inquired about my health. It’s his stock question for me: he also called me young fella. I was tingly all over. It’s why I like old people they think I’m young…

Shep is a remarkable man. Like other Holocaust survivors I’ve met Shep is very cheerful. After the forum Dr. A and I talked about Shep with the Landrys and Truehills. Rebecca whose family was also touched by the same evil said: “I think that when you’ve been through hell nothing else ever seems as bad.” Yeah you right Becky. Shep’s amazing story is online at Survivors.org.

I walked back inside and found the Duplantier camp looking at the podium. Bettye Duplantier was relieved to see that Quentin The Menace would be seated next to Shane and not her husband Michael.  Shane has yet to meet the person that he couldn’t get along with. I’m living breathing proof of that: he even likes me. I asked Bettye if she was getting any sleep and she smiled shrugged and said: “Not until election day. Then we’ll take a day off and get ready for the run-off.” Michael has an excellent chance to make the run-off. Until recently I thought that Gill-Pratfall would make it but her heart just doesn’t seem to be in it this time. But I’m no oracle: anybody who tells you that they know what’s going to happen on April 22nd is arrogant foolish or wasted…

The forum itself ran smoothly. My friend and neighbor Linda Walker ran the show with a firm but courteous hand. Quentin’s attempts to take control were rebuffed. I also think that Quentin was inhibited by sitting at a table in the temple’s sanctuary. At one point he said: “I’m not gonna curse tonight. I got in trouble for that but this is somebody’s house of worship. I don’t mess with nobody’s God.” Jehovah officially thanks you Quentin. I’m sure that Allah Krishna Buddha and L Ron do too…

The District B candidates are overall an exceptionally good group. They know their stuff and on some questions even Gill-Pratfall did well. As I predicted Stacy Head *did* perform better than on Monday night; she’s a type A person and we were well-organized. But frankly all the candidates performed well. I know that’s wishy washy but it’s true. The truth is sometimes equivocal.

Back to Quentin the Menace. One Quentin highlight was his hurricane evacuation plan. He informed us that he’ll evacuate everyone even if he has to commandeer a bus and pick you up at your house. The plan is simple but direct. Quentin specializes in directness. No B-S No More. Straight up.

When it came time for questions from the audience your not so humble blogger queued up. It was a question my fellow organizers rejected but it’s an important topic: smoking in bars night clubs eateries etc. I asked the candidates if they’d support a California/New York City style smoking ban. I insisted that they answer yes or no; straight up. I couldn’t resist teasing Stacy Head because she usually objects to yes or no questions. Stacy smiled at me and kissed me on the cheek after the forum so I guess I didn’t throw her for much of a loop. Too bad: loop throwing is what I do best…

The candidates did indeed answer me straight up. Michael Duplantier smiled and wagged his finger at me because I threw them a curve ball. The only candidate to say NO was my new buddy Shane Landry. His wife gave him a hard time for that after the debate. His defense was lame: “I’m a libertarian.” Me too Shane but I need to be liberated from second hand smoke. I also want my night life back: I rarely go to music clubs any more because I cannot stand the smoke. I always wind up being next to some pischer with a fat malodorous cigar and a bad attitude. Move your ass buddy…

After probing the panel of candidates I sat with Miranda Truehill in the front row. (I hate sitting in the front row but I like Miranda enough to look like a nerd.) She was gleeful: “Thanks for asking that question. Marshall’s been talking about that all over town.” I knew I liked Marshall. The incumbent also liked the question; to give her credit she has tried to pass a city ordinance banning smoking in public places. The restaurant lobby killed the bill. Damn am I going soft? Nah I just hate inhaling other people’s fumes that much…<hack cough hack>

There was much milling about after the forum.  I was really pleased as were the candidates. The candidates all left the forum feeling that they’d be treated fairly. I patted myself on the back and then schmoozed. I love to schmooze y’all. I do have a weakness for people who are willing to run for office and the spouses who are willing to put up with it. We actually have a good choice in this race which is a novel thing indeed here in Debrisville.

Reform as well as oak pollen is in the air this Spring. A chance to change things for the better is nothing to sneeze at either. Don’t let it slip away. It’s time to throw the bums rascals whatever the hell you wanna call ’em out. Bye bye Gill-Pratfall. Get outta town 7 Dwarfs. Au Revoir Jay Batty. Sayonara C Ray. Toodle-pip gentle readers.

DISTRICT B IS FOR BIZARRE: QUENTIN BROWN SUPPORTS PEGGY WILSON?

Thu, 06 Apr 2006 22:13:54

I’m working on an epic  forum piece but news broke out last night at Touro Synagogue. Independent Council District B candidate Quentin (The Gardener) Brown told a crowd of 160 people that he was “witcha Peggy Wilson.” This came in the middle of a classic Quentin harangue about welfare queens and soap opera watchers. Anyone who has seen Quentin in action knows that he swings from far right to far left at the drop of a hat. Quentin also praised the notoriously snarky former Councilwoman’s plan to make Topsy Turvy Town a tax free zone. Me I’d rather take the debris out of Debrisville…

The idea of strident Quentin Brown in strident Uptown Repub Peggy Wilson’s camp is hilarious. It reminded Dr. A of a “Bloom County” comic strip from 1984. Opus the Penguin was trying come up with the perfect far-right/far-left national ticket. Opus concluded that the combination of Jesse Jackson and Jesse Helms was perfect; perfectly awful that is. Their campaign slogan was Let’s Offend Them All: Vote Jesse and Jesse. I think that Peggy and Quentin could have the same impact on Debrisville politics.

I hear that Bloom County/Outland/Opus scribe Berk Breathed is a litigious chap so we need a new slogan for this odd couple. Howzabout this:

ALIENATE EVERYONE: VOTE PEGGY WILSON & QUENTIN BROWN

If I believed in using exclamation points I’d use one in the slogan above…

Mind you Quentin might support C Ray tomorrow or Rob (Angry Asshole Attorney) Couhig the day after that. He’s a farce of nature…

AFTER THE FIRE: MEMORIES OF ASHLEY MORRIS

412094811 AFTER THE FIRE: MEMORIES OF ASHLEY MORRIS Sun, 06 Apr 2008 03:34:33

I’ve had a hard time writing a coherent piece about my friend Ashley Morris. For one thing I’ve been broken up about his passing; for another I didn’t want to write about Ashley the mythic blogger who will pass into legend as the Paul Bunyan of the NOLA blogosphere I wanted to write about the human being. Here’s my feeble (febrile?) attempt to do so.

There are three words that come to mind when I think of Ashley: kindness generosity and thoughtfulness; none of which begin with the letter F. The Perfesser had a knack for friendship y’all. If you needed a favor of any kind he was the man to call. The first time we met he came very close to literally giving me the shirt off his back. He noticed that I was fond of shall we say loud shirts so he gave me one saying “this one doesn’t fit me any more I’d like you to have it.

                                                     

FORUM FOLLIES MONDAY EDITION: THE QUENTIN BROWN EXPERIENCE

Wed, 05 Apr 2006 16:41:57

It’s City Council District B forum week. The candidates are doing this from Monday through Thursday. It’s an endurance contest y’all. Tonight is our forum but I went on Monday as well because it was held by the *other* neighborhood association in my area. It was a mess but an entertaining mess.

First a disclaimer. I’ve gotten to know and like 4 of the candidates so my blogging detachment is somewhat impaired. In short while I’ll tease Shane Landry Michael Duplantier Stacy Head and Marshall Truehill they won’t get the full Adrastos treatment. It’s a pity I know but I have a double standard for everyone I know in real time; with the possible exception of Harvard Boy. I’ve also met Quentin Brown but it’s impossible not to yank his chain and he can take it: straight up. As to the incumbent Councilwoman Renee Gill-Pratfall: no comment. I was however raised to be polite to everyone so when I run into her I am always courteous but icy. Consider me Mr. Freeze when it comes to NOLA machine pols; especially those who are wholly owned subsidiaries of Dollar Bill Jefferson.

The forum was held in the somewhat dreary rec room at St. George’s Episcopal Church on St. Charles Avenue. I’ve been trading emails with all the candidates but hadn’t met Stacy or Marshall FTF before. I was glad to meet them; both are very smart and pleasant people. This forum was on NOLA time and started 15 minutes late even though the candidates were all on time even the incumbent who is usually on Clinton or Morial time which is even later than NOLA time. Dr. A disapproves of tardiness she’s punctual almost to a fault. That’s why she’ll be the timekeeper for tonight’s forum.

Before the forum I was chatting with Marshall Truehill and Quentin Brown. Quentin’s suit was a bit large and he explained that he’d lost some weight post-K. Everyone in Debrisville has either gained or lost 20 pounds post-K. I wish that I were on the Quentin Brown/Chris Rose weight loss team but alas I am not. Anyway Ms. Gill-Pratfall came over and actually acted as if she recalled meeting me. It was a first; I’ve met her 10-12 times over the last 4 years and not only does she never remember me (that doesn’t bother me) but she doesn’t even fake it. That *does* bother me: people are her job. We exchanged mild pleasantries and she went off to explode more fertile possibilities. I’m purt near the last person in the district who would ever vote for her.

Dr. A and I sat in the middle of the cramped low-ceilinged room; we had a good view of Shane Stacy and Ms. Gill-Pratfall. Bettye Duplantier came and sat with us. The poor dear was tired from all her exertions on behalf of Michael. In short she was a bit punchy but  even an exhausted Bettye exudes grace and charm. I was able to pry a Duplantier for Council pencil out of her even though she informed me that they were for children. I assured her that I was an overgrown child. Dr. A was quick to agree.

The forum was a wild one. The moderator established rules and then failed to enforce them which made it a frustrating experience for many of us. You’ll never hear a discouraging word from any of the candidates though: they were glad to have 75 or so people there to listen to them. But I was appalled: the hosts thanked neither the church nor the candidates.

Listening is not Quentin Brown’s forte. He was something of a disruptive albeit entertaining force. His campaign slogan is: “No B-S No More.” And half the time Quentin makes a lot of sense but the rest of the time he leaves you scratching your head. BUT Quentin has a natural gift for colorful language and phrase making. Straight up as the man himself would say. He got into trouble by cussing a bit whenever he talked about Gill-Pratfall. I just cuss about her in private but Quentin does it early often and openly. Straight up y’all.  Most of the time the audience was laughing *with* Quentin. Eventually Marshall Truehill got frustrated with Quentin and essentially asked him to back off. Quentin did so. He actually a very nice guy but his picture *is* in the dictionary next to the phrase “loose cannon.”

Oh yeah a vintage Quentin Brown moment. The Duplantier camp has water bottles with their logo on it. Quentin noticed this and said: “The dude is bad. He got his own water.” He also seems to be a bit smitten with Stacy Head; I halfway expected him to ask her out…

As to the substance of the debate I thought that Duplantier Landry and Truehill did the best. Stacy Head was a bit nervous at the beginning but eventually warmed to the task. I think that she’ll do very well in a more structured forum; she’s a very methodical person. The incumbent said some truly astonishing things. Gill-Pratfall claimed that her office had a “quality control” system when it came to constituent service. If they file things it’s in the trash. I have written dozens of letters and emails and called her office repeatedly and every time it’s as if the prior contact never happened. After the forum Dr. A told Marshall and Miranda Truehill that dealing with Gill-Pratfall’s office is like the film “Groundhog Day.” It is too. I’m not the only wit in the family. Well done hon.

Anyway there were a lot of comments post-forum about the look on my face when Gill-Pratfall reeled off a string of whoppers that went well beyond spin: her office’s constituent service is good; she always sides with neighbors against developers and blah and blah and blah.  She doesn’t even TALK to people in the neighborhoods let alone side with them. If she did she wouldn’t have supported opening the freaking Wal-Mart on Tchoupitoulas Street.  Back to *my* reaction when RGP was rattling off her falsehoods I noticed Shane nudging Stacy so she’d see the look on my face. I was told by several people including Miranda Truehill that it looked as if my head was going to explode. It nearly did too. It would have been a real mess….

Gill-Pratfall kept telling the audience “that’s not my job.” It was her standard refrain even for things that *are* part of her job. This led to the most dramatic moment of the forum. Michael Duplantier had a look of disgust on his face and said in a voice full of icy anger: “That’s the problem with the whole system. It’s NEVER anyone’s job. That’s why problems get passed around and nothing ever gets done.” That’s a paraphrase but that’s the gist of what he said. Michael is usually a very formal man but he let his passion shine through. Well said Monsieur Duplantier.

After the forum I met two of the candidate spouses for the first time. Rebecca Landry was handing out doubloons with her husband’s name on them; it’s a cool carnivalesque campaign gimmick. Dr. A and I introduced ourselves and Becky knew who we were immediately. She told us: “One day Shane came home from campaigning and said: I met the nicest people today. I spent an hour with them.” Becky replied: “Did they *want* you to stay an hour?” Actually we did but he met one very nice person Dr. A and her husband who is only nice when it’s leap year…

Anyway the room was quite noisy and I told Becky that Shane had asked me how I thought he’d done and I made a few comments about his performance to him. I added: “I used to be a handler.”

She looked puzzled and said: “Hampster?”

“That too but I got tired of the damn wheel in my cage.”

I stopped being a wise guy and told her what I’d really said. We had a good laugh over it. The room *was* loud and I have a hard time passing on a good straight line even an inadvertent one. I figure Shane won’t challenge me to a duel over this episode: one of his biggest assets as a candidate is his sense of humor. Even in these troubled times in Debrisville we all need to laugh; especially now…

At the end of the evening I met Miranda Truehill. Her husband Marshall is tall and lanky; Miranda is as petite as she is sweet. We were talking and I noticed she had a British accent plus. I asked her what the plus was and it was Australian. I’m both an Anglophile as well as a connoisseur of accents so I really enjoyed chatting with Miranda. She gave me a yard sign to add to our collection: we have a sign for almost all the District B challengers; except  for Stacy Head. Yo Harvard Boy Stacy loves the garden of signs idea: where’s my sign? I’m sayin’ this straight up: I need my sign. Ya feel me Harvard Boy?

Finally a self-serving finale for my Debrisville readers. The District B forum my group is co-sponsoring is tonight at 7PM at Touro Synagogue. Come and meet some of the recurring characters in this blog. We actually have a good choice this time around so come and see them for yourselves. Btw if you meet Harvard Boy ask him where the hell my sign is. Muchas gracias.”

WINNING UGLY & TALKING TRASH AT THE TENNESSEE WILLIAMS FESTIVAL

Mon, 03 Apr 2006 06:00:00

The entry title is a composite; it’s sort of like cement actually. Well not really but I used to know a lot about cement. Why? During my misspent youth I worked as a paralegal on a massive anti-trust case that pitted all the cement buyers against the cement companies. It was a real snoozer folks. I spent several months reading documents in a dank basement at Kaiser corporate HQ in Oakland. It was a painful experience y’all.  The case? That was merely dull duller dulles. The pain came from spending that much time on the wrong side of the Bay Bridge. I grew up on the Peninsula which is the snotty side of the Bay Area. We simply did not do Oakland; it’s sort of like the way many folks Uptown view the West Bank. For example I’m not sure if my friend the Composer has ever driven on the Crescent City Connection and/or experienced the sublime pleasures of Harvey…

Item-1 Tennessee On A Hot Tin Roof: Actually we went to events at the ballroom at the Bourbon Orleans Hotel. I don’t think they have a tin roof but ya never know. Anyway Dr. A and I played culture vultures and went to 3 panels at the Tennessee Williams Literary Festival this weekend.

On Saturday we saw a group of writers discussing Cajun culture in the modern world. Their consensus: Acadian good, coon ass bad. I feel ya guys. The liveliest participant was Nicholas Pousson novelist and seriously tattooed guy. He slipped some innuendo past the moderator providing much titillation to an old lady wearing a tie-dyed shirt across the room from me. Perhaps she’s one of Phil Lesh’s old girlfriends: the Grateful Dead bassist turned 66 last month. Sheesh who expected anyone in the Dead to live so long…

Sunday’s panels were quite memorable. It was Doug Brinkley day for us: we saw the Tulane prof and noted Naginophobe on two panels. The first panel discussed writing Presidential biographies and Brinkley was joined by Patricia Brady and Richard Zacks. As a disciple of Gore Vidal I enjoyed all the Jefferson bashing. I’m not sure about my spousal unit: Dr. A is from Virginia where they flog people who say anything bad about TJ. I expect that Zacks Brady and Brinkley will be banned from Virginia after repeatedly taking TJ’s name in vain. I dare them to Sally Hemmings Forth to Charlottesville; they’d be greeted by locals waving pitchforks and torches bearing the Monticello logo…

Brinkley surveyed the audience the audience as to who we though were the greatest Presidents: Dr. A and I both raised our hand for FDR. There were several Truman adherents as well. I’m not wild about Harry even if it makes me a bad Democrat. Truman gave us the national security state and the Red Scare and we’re still living with the consequences of having a permanent war economy. Brinkley who quite likes Truman did however compare Truman’s style to that of President Beavis: full speed ahead and damn the consequences. Truman gave us the Korean War and we all know what bloody idiocy Beavis hath wrought…

After both Doug Brinkley and I made a pit stop the post-K panel assembled. Brinkley was joined by Picayune City Editor Jed Horne Rosemary James and Tom Piazza who wrote “Why New Orleans Matters.”  Ms.  James drew Dr. A’s ire when she lamented the absence of waterfront high rise buildings in our burg. Dr. A muttered protests in a rather loud stage whisper and was shushed by some audience members. Dr. A is right y’all we don’t want any stinking Florida style yuppie ghettos cluttering up our riverfront. In the immortal words of Cole Porter: Get outta town.

Item-2  Trash Talk: Saturday we had a neighborhood cleanup; About 10 neighbors showed up to do manual labor and wade through festering piles of post-K rubbish. It was stinky work but we put the fun into funky or some such shit. And damn it *was* funky.

What would a neighborhood cleanup be without candidates in this election season? District B Council candidates Shane Landry and Michael Duplantier  as well as Michael’s vivacious wife Betty pitched in to help us pitch out trash. Michael was horrified to see that there was so much opportunistic littering in our unflooded neighborhood. I am too.  And Betty continued her campaign to charm me into submission. Charm thy name is Betty Duplantier. Actually Shane Landry is almost as charming; he had to leave us after an hour to play bingo with some nuns. I wasn’t raised Catholic so I’ve never played nun bingo but it sounds habit forming. <groan> Now that I think of it I’d rather play nun bingo or make the odd nun pun than pick up aged MREs and spill stale beer on my trousers. Hey Shane wait up….

Item-3 Winning Ugly: Kenner held its municipal election on April Fool’s day. I don’t make this stuff up y’all well most of it anyway. I do tend to insert fictional characters into the blog on occasion. Now that I think of it I haven’t heard from my main fictional man Mike Hammer in some time; he must be rolling drunks and chasing skirts in Jersey or something. Mike call me we need your…um…skills here in Debrisville…

Anyway back to the Kenner mayoral race. Krewe of Endymion Captain Ed Muniz ran first in the primary followed by Mayor Ugly aka Phil Capitano. The usual rule of thumb is that when an incumbent loses in the first round he’s neck deep in shit and sinking fast. Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy than Phil. He can stop scaring the people of Kenner and go back to stopping clocks with his manly visage…

DISCLAIMER:
I don’t usually make ugly jokes BUT Phil Capitano is ugly inside and outside.  He’s just plain ugly y’all.

Item-4 Losing Ugly: The LSU Lady Tigers basketball team had their heads handed to them by the Duke Blue Devils 64-45. I suppose you should never bet against schools endowed by tobacco money and whose mascot is Satan in blue tights…

DISTRICT B BLATHER/B IS ALSO FOR DOLLAR BILL

 Sat, 01 Apr 2006 06:16:31

Item-1 District B Blather: It’s been a big day in the District B race. The Picayune had a write-up of all the candidates today. It was good if somewhat conventional. Of more interest: The candidates have been on Norman Robinson’s WDSU hot seat the last two nights. Thursday it was Gill-Pratfall Michael Duplantier and Stacy Head. I thought the super smooth and hyper knowledgeable Michael came off best and Gill-Pratfall no shocker came off as a first class idiot. Hey she’s gotta be first class at something. She was however able to rattle Miz Stacy at one point which surprised me. Stacy is not my first choice: she’s a bit lawyerly for my taste but she’s no fool. She did however recover her footing and made a good point about Gill-Pratfall’s inability to return phone calls. Overall it was fairly dull and tame but Michael Duplantier came out ahead on points.

Friday’s session was much livelier. WDSU put charming and clever Cajun Shane Landry and Quentin (No More BS) Brown together with gentlemanly Rev. Marshall Truehill. The result was controlled pandemonium and very entertaining. Norman thoroughly enjoyed himself as did this viewer.

Gardener Quentin Brown is running against BS in District B and the incumbent Council Clown is definitely full of it. Quentin slipped and said bullshit on the air and wound up apologizing to Norman. Quentin ran for Mayor against C Ray and Manny Chevrolet Bruno in 2002. Norman asked Quentin why he thought he could get elected to the Council when he only got 400 votes in 2002. Quentin respectfully but firmly disagreed with Norman’s “pernt” and claimed to have gotten 3 000 votes. My money is on Norman’s figures y’all.

Shane Landry performed very well indeed; answering the questions knowledgeably and concisely. Shane always has a sparkle in his eyes and was clearly enjoying himself. My favorite Shane moment was when he asked Quentin if the post-election job offer was still on the table if Quentin won. Quentin told him “I’m witcha pardner. I feel ya.” Quentin is a trip and a good one. Shane is too.

Shane has some radical ideas and the people skills to have a chance to get things done. Louisiana reformers tend to have some good ideas but NO people skills whatsoever. That’s how Le Guv (Edwin Edwards) kept oozing back into the Governor’s mansion. The poster boy for reformers without people skills is former Gov. Buddy Roemer. He had some great ideas but ran off all his supporters by being a jerk. A friend of mine who has worked in Louisiana politics since the Seventies and I were talking about Buddy and Edwin one night over adult beverages. He said that Edwin would never lie to another politician but would steal you blind. Buddy would never steal from anyone but did nothing but lie to other politicians. Time for a pictorial blast from the past in glorious black and white:

ABOVE LEFT: Looking young but not innocent Edwin Edwards Governor: 1971-1979; 1983-87; 1991-95. ABOVE RIGHT:  Buddy Roemer Governor: 1987-1991. He defeated EWE in 1987 and EWE beat him in the first primary in 1991 setting up the race from hell with neo-Nazi David Duke.

End of my waltz down political memory lane. Digression thy name is Adrastos.

Item-2  B Is Also For Dollar Bill:
A brief but significant piece in Friday’s TP. 6 members of Dollar Bill Jefferson’s staff have been subpoenaed by the Northern Virginia grand jury that’s investigating allegations that Dollar Bill solicited a bribe.The plot thickens…