Thu, 10 Aug 2006 06:16:46 

Yeah I know this flick is as mainstream as it gets but I’ve always had a soft spot (possibly in my head) for pirate movies. From Errol Flynn in “Captain Blood” and “The Sea Hawk” to Burt Lancaster in “The Crimson Pirate” to Robert Newton in “Treasure Island “ I loved them all. As a small child I had fantasies of having a peg leg hook for an arm and a parrot on my shoulder. As I grew up I decided that I’d rather not lose a limb because your basic modern prothesis is boring and because I’m extremely fond of my extremities. Btw I still do a mean Bobby Newton as Long John Silver impression: arr arr. And I still try to buckle my swash as often as possible. Now if only I could figure out what the hell a swash is…

The first “Pirates Of The Caribbean” film was a pleasant surprise. It was a real movie movie with a great star turn by Johnny Depp as Keith Richards sound alike Captain Jack Sparrow. The special effects served the story instead of vice versa but that’s not the case with “Pirates Too.” In the sequel the special effects remain spectacular but they overwhelm the story. It’s a pity too: there’s a good movie buried under all that CG clutter.

Johnny Depp is consistently watchable but his dialogue is not as sharp as the first time round. Davy Jones is a wonderful villain and I loved the Octopus thing he had going on. He made Doc Ock look tinny in contrast.

Several of the action set pieces were outstanding but they kept reaching into the quiver and taking out the same arrow over and over and over again. The final battle should have been very exciting but they’d done something quite similar earlier. All they had to do was to eliminate one of the special effects scenes and the movie would have clocked in at 2 hours. It was definitely too damn long; a common problem with big budget flicks. Hollywood confuses quantity with quality far too often.

Then there’s the Orlando Bloom effect: he’s the only actor who makes Keanu Reeves dude look animated. He kept showing up and slowing things down by being wooden not woody. Woody is good wooden is tinny…

Despite its flaws I thought “Pirates Too” was a pretty decent popcorn movie for a hot summer in Debrisville. Hey it took my mind off Mr. Bingle C Ray the Cynthias and local weatherdork Bob Breck’s bad toupee.



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