THE STOOGEUM

Thu, 06 Mar 2008 16:39:08

The traditional museum is a highbrow or at least middlebrow place. Things are changing. There are now all sorts of non-traditional museums including one devoted to the emphatically lowbrow comedy team the Three Stooges. The Stoogeum is run by a guy who’s married to Larry Fine’s niece. Larry of course was the stooge with the Jewfro who was relentlessly bullied by the tyrannical Moe.

I’d never heard of the Stoogeum until last week when Dr. A sent me a link to a story about it in the WaPo last week. It’s somewhat ironic because like most women Dr. A doesn’t care for the knockabout dumbshit slapstick that’s the specialty of the Stooges. She is however a good sport who has resisted the temptation to use a wrench on my nose a la Moe. Nyuk nyuk nyuk.

The great comedian David Steinberg had a classic routine about the Stooges which alas is nowhere to be found on the internets. The Steinbergian thesis was that the Stooges were archetypal figures and that all guys fit into a Stoogian category. Howzat for highbrowing up the lowbrow? I’m not sure that I entirely agree but it’s fun to contemplate. Moe was the ego Curly the id Larry the doormat with Shemp being somewhere between Curly and Moe. As applied to the NOLA political scene: C Ray is definitely a Curly,  Marc Morial a Mo,e and Arnie Fielgood is a Larry to the core. Among the NOLA bloggers Loki and Ashley are clearly Curlys but there’s a dearth of Moes or eenie meenies for that matter. I think Jeffrey has some Shempian tendencies. Note the resemblance:

I’m just busting his chops y’all. Dr. A in fact thinks that Mr. Gloomy Pants is the cutest boy blogger and Shemp wasn’t exactly a matinee idol. He had a face that could stop a clock. I don’t think there are any Larrys among the NOLA bloggers and if there are calling someone a Larry isn’t very nice and I’m working on my image. I want people to answer the phone when I call at 3 AM even if I’m doing The Curly Shuffle:

I’m not really a hardcore Stoogemaniac. When it comes to comedy teams from the distant past I’m more of a Marx Brothers guy but it’s fun to bloviate about the Stooges. It’s also quite insulting to compare anybody to one of the Stooges as someone soitenly knew when they photoshopped this image of some Arizona Republican pols:

McCain is definitely all Moe. Me, I’m just a wise guy.

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WELCOME TO MR. FIELKOW’S NEIGHBORHOOD

Thu, 13 Apr 2006 05:00:00

Arnie Fielkow used to be a big kahuna for the New Orleans Saints. He became a folk hero of sorts last year when he clashed with Tom (Archie Bunker) Benson over returning the team to Debrisville. Arnie won the war the Saints are home but lost the battle: he was forced out by Benson. I assume Benson called Arnie a dingbat and he declined to stifle. I hope Arnie gave him a raspberry on his way out the door.

Arnie is now running for City Council at Large and was endorsed by the local rag yesterday. Mind you it was a wussy endorsement: they gave the nod to Oliver Thomas and Nimby Clarkson as well for the two at large seats. Arnie is a very nice man who is running a well financed and very gentlemanly campaign. Last night he was on WDSU with Norman Robinson and it occurred to me who Arnie reminds me of: Mr. Rogers. That’s right Fred Freaking Rogers of kiddie TV fame. Arnie has a perpetual (and sincere) grin on his mug and his speech patterns are eerily like Mr. Rogers. Here’s a link to Mr. Fielkow’s web site: scroll down to where it says “watch” and click on the commercial called “winning with unity.” Then you’ll see why this Fielkowgood candidate reminds me of Mr. Rogers.

Btw I don’t think that being like Mr. Rogers is a bad thing. Who didn’t love Fred Rogers? He was a sweet man in a sweater for chrissake. Mr. Rogers would know how to deal with that mean ole Katrina Kaiser Donald Powell. He’d give him milk and cookies and have a heart to heart chat with him.

The good news for Arnie Fielkow is that he does NOT remind me of Eddie Murphy’s SNL era parody of Mr. Rogers. Eddie was Mr. Robinson and he was a man with a troubled past and the slammer in his future. Mr. Robinson not only hung out with Mr. T but taught the boys and girls all sorts of useful words.

The Oscar Snarkathon

Tue, 07 Mar 2006 06:00:00

It’s time for the much ballyhooed little anticipated Oscar snarkathon. The problem with the Oscarcast is that there’s no ideal way to organize it; either you let everyone go on and on and on and it lasts 7 1/2 days (Halle Berry’s speech from 4 years ago is still going on) OR you do what they did last night and hire a bouncer/conductor (aka LSU’s own Bill Conti) to drag people offstage. And they still ran 30 minutes over the theoretical time of 3 hours. I thought pulling the plug on the producers of “Crash” was tackier than Mrs. Moron’s wardrobe and decor combined. On to the random ramblings and notes of a lunatic who is not named Kim:

THE HOST: First time host Jon Stewart has been taking some lumps but I thought he did a good job even if the WaPo’s great critic Tom Shales among others disagrees. Hey you hire Jon Stewart he’s going to do his schtick as did Billy Crystal Johnny Carson and Bob Hope.  Of course Hollywood is most comfortable with an insider as host but Jon was pretty darn funny.  Hey at least Jon didn’t pull a Letterman although I’m a proponent of Oprah mocking…

I particularly liked the negative ads: The Dames Against Judy Dench and the Charlize Theron: Hagging It Up spots were hilarious. I halfway expected the swift boat creeps to turn up…

THE BIG SURPRISE: The oddsmakers were right about many of the winners: Rachel Weisz Philip Seymour Hoffman and Reese Witherspoon. But “Crash”  taking the best picture award was a big and to me pleasant surprise. I thought “Brokeback Mountain” was a good movie but the weakest of the nominees. I would have voted for “Munich” but “Crash” was a deserving winner. The finale reminded me of the Oscars for 1998 when “Private Ryan” was the prohibitive favorite Spielberg won best director but “Shakespeare In Love” won best picture. I’m not sure how well that choice will hold up down the road but hey I think Christopher Marlowe wrote the Bard’s plays so what the hell do I know? That was a rhetorical question y’all; no need to answer…

One thing bugs me: why does everyone insist on calling “Brokeback Mountain” the gay cowboy movie? They’re shepherds for chrissake. Of course I know why I’m crazy not stupid: cowboys are American archetypes and shepherds are Balkan archetypes.  I hope that the Greeks  or perhaps the odd Bosnian call it the gay shepherd movie.  Btw I thought of making a few sheep jokes but thought better of it. Except for this classic: Brokeback Mountain where the women are few and the sheep are scared. There now I feel better.

FASHION COMMENTARY: What were Charlize Theron and Naomi Watts thinking? Charlize had that giant bow growing on her arm which looked like something out of a bad Roger Corman  ’50’s sci-fi flick. Naomi was wearing a color (beige according to my fashion consultant Dr A) that made her look as if she needed to run offstage to blow chunks. As Wayne Campbell would surely say at this point:  why hide your babe-itude? If Naomi had consulted with Kong this woulda never happened. He had her in the palm of his hand after all. <the groaning reverberates across cyberspace>

Among the men I got a kick out of the Wallace and Gromit guys wearing matching bow ties and then putting little matching bow ties on their Oscars. These oscars looked like George F Will after being dipped in gold leaf; a fitting fate for a Repub pundit. I also enjoyed seeing the great Larry McMurtry wearing jeans and cowboy boots with his tuxedo jacket. I think one of our greatest writers should be able to wear whatever the hell he wants. If the Swedes had any sense Larry would win the Nobel Prize for literature but they don’t so he won’t. But they did pick Harold Pinter last year so maybe there’s hope…

MOST PREDICTABLE MOMENTS: George Clooney blimps up looks unkempt with longish hair and a scraggly beard and wins the Best Supporting Actor award for the dreadful “Syriana.” Put a movie star up against career character actors and guess who wins. Don’t get me wrong: I’m a Clooney fan but this was a mediocre performance in a self-important and bad film. I’ll take his Dapper Dan-wearing hick slimeball in “Oh Brother Where Art Thou” any day. Well as long as I can stand upwind of him: he was a bona fide stinker…

Ben Stiller the master of self-mortification did it again by wearing a lime green jump/leisure suit affair and pretending to be some sort of human FX. A piece of advice for you Benny baby: next time wear a jock strap or a codpiece. There are many people of both genders who want to see George Clooney’s naughty bits but not yours o son of Jerry. It was almost as traumatic as the time I saw Mr. Moron in drag…

Jennifer Anniston who was in every movie this year was also a presenter. Repeat after me: Jen is overexposed. She’s everywhere these days: I halfway expect Ms. Anniston to start fixing roofs or collecting debris in Topsy Turvy Town….

ACCENT COMMENTARY: No I’m not going to mock Ang Lee for his Chinese accented English or even the French Penguin guys. Ang’s accent is not bad at all. But I find it very interesting that Charlize Theron seems to have shed her South African accent for ceremonial occasions while all the Ozzies sound like Crocodile Fricking Dundee or former-PM Bob Hawke. I’m with the Foster swilling barbecuing Split Enz-listening abo bashing Ozzies on this one. In between hagging it up be yourself Charlize.

TRANSFORMATIONS- THE GOOD THE BAD & THE NOT SO BEAUTIFUL:  I enjoyed the Farrell/Carrell bad makeup schtick. But I didn’t notice if either was wearing lipstick. <groaning> That was the good the bad was Rachel McAdams with bleached blonde hair that made her look like Pamela Anderson without the flotation devices. Rachel I love ya dawlin’ but get thee to a hairdresser…

THE LUCY BUSTAMANTE ECCENTRIC PRONUNCIATION AWARD: Goes to Salma Hayek for calling the gay shepherd movie “Brockback Mountain.” I wonder if this was product placement for Brock candies or if Salma is lusting after Baseball Hall of Famer Lou Brock. Note to non-Debrisvillians: Lucy Bustamante is WWL’s incompetent new anchor who usually mispronounces 3 or 4 things every broadcast. Perhaps I should call her Lucy Malaprop. Nah that’s too kind…

CRAPPY MUSICAL MOMENTS: The Oscarcast is always full of them. None this time around were as bad as the infamous Rob Lowe/Disney dance number from the late ’80’s. The staging of the Kathleen York number from “Crash” was pretty atrocious though. It looked like the Causeway on a January morning. I wish I’d had the dry ice concession for the show. Now that I think of it Rob Lowe and Kathleen York have something in common other than this: both were on “The West Wing” but only one of their characters ever slept with Toby Ziegler.

As to the winning number: no comment. It *was* lively but I’ve never liked hip-hop and I’m not about to start now. Actually it’s not even creeping old-fartism: I’ve hated rap and synthesized percussion since the mid-80’s. Yeah that’s right I used to be a cranky young man. Now I’m just plain cranky. However I am not now nor have I ever been a pimp… 

Ice, Ice, Baby In The Bank, Bank, Baby

Tue, 10 Jan 2006 03:53:52

I had a busy day running errands, hatching political conspiracies and meeting the Dentist and the Super-Tech’s newborn baby. But the bloggin’ itch came over me much to your despair.

Item-1 Ice, Ice, Baby In The Bank, Bank, Baby: Lines at Debrisville banks are long and slow so I have time to do some people mocking…I mean watching. There was a high school senior/college freshman age guy behind me in line today, he was very white, white, baby. But like so many other suburban youths (pronounced yoot a la Joe Pesci in My Cousin Vinny) he was wearing the Gap version of gangsta rap clothes: baggy pants and sideways cap. The thing that tickled me was that he was wearing a Boston Red Sox cap.  That made him mos def more Vanilla Ice than Eminem. Hey, Vanilla Ice, the Red Sox were the last team in the big leagues to have an African-American player, the wonderfully named  Pumpsie Green in 1959. I swear I am not making that name up.

At one point Vanilla Ice’s cell phone rang and here’s how he answered: “Yo what up.” All the black people over 30 in line fell out laughing as did your humble blogger. The laughing stock didn’t even notice he was too busy being faux cool. It reminded me of the parody on “In Living Color” with Jim Carrey gyrating to the sound of backup singers going: “He’s white white baby.” That’s right right baby.

Item-2 Hilton University: Historically black Dillard University has re-opened here in Topsy Turvy Town. The Dillard campus was devastated by the storm so the University has taken possession of 30% of the Hilton Riverside Hotel downtown.  Many classes will be held there and 800 students are living at the Hilton. How the hell are they ever gonna get those kids out of their hotel rooms and back to the dorm?  They may have to promise them free beer and iTunes downloads.

Item-3 FEMA Trailer Site Update: Governor Meemaw met with Council Clown Batty on Sunday. They played rock paper scissors: he lost and was obliged to allow trailers to be placed in City Park to house displaced cops and firefighters. Governor Meemaw has yet to meet with the most recalcitrant clown Nimby Clarkson but she’s routed all the others.

As someone who believes in local self-government I  wish that the college of clowns had had the decency and foresight to do the right thing voluntarily without Gubernatorial arm twisting. Give a Louisiana Governor an inch and they’ll take a mile: Huey Long effectively abolished local rule in New Orleans in the 1930’s. If C Ray and the Clowns don’t get their act together federal relief funds might flow exclusively through Baton Rouge which means that our relief money could end up building tennis courts in Shreveport or Bunkie. Wake up and smell the Community Coffee y’all.

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