Category Archives: Hurricanes

THE FOLLOWERS OF CHAOS OUT OF CONTROL

Wed, 27 Aug 2008 16:21:17

Mr. Wet sucks. Let me explain why. He’s one of my best  friends in the NOLA blogosphere BUT the sumbitch stole my Gustav related post title: Achtung Baby. It makes me wonder if he’s a psychic from all those years of wearing a hat and living in the frozen North. (It somehow gives me perverse pleasure to imagine him plugging in his car whilst conversing with a neighbor who sounds like Marge in Fargo. Oh ja you betcha.) But if Folse *is* a psychic I’m thinking he’s a fake; sort of like Sean Spencer the goofy fake psychic tevee detective on Psych. Hmm now that I think of it Mark’s son Matt is a goofball in the Spencerian vein…


Anyway since Mr. Wet stole my thunder I decided to use a line from another great ’80’s “alternative” band REM. The song Disturbance At The Heron House is actually political but the line “the followers of chaos out of control” sums up rather neatly the panic in the air here in Debrisville. Me I’m just cranky that this fracking storm may goose step into town this weekend and force Southern Decadence to cancel. It’s usually a big weekend for Quarter merchants. For the uninitiated Decadence is a cross between boys gone wild and a gay pride event. As my good friend with a thick French accent and a Russian name Paul Nevski once said to me: “During Decadence everyone in the Quarter is gay. Even the ‘omophobes are gay.”

Back to Gustav; at least the motherfracker has a proper scary name. I can respect a storm named Gustav; it evokes saurkraut beer gardens and Prussian militarism. As of now we don’t know where this Teutonic twit of a storm is headed but Dr. A and I are eyeing it cautiously and plan to indulge in a bit of brinksmanhip before deciding what to do which means we’ll be inviting ourselves to my cousin Tina’s house in Dallas if we need to bug out. Katrina was the first time we’d ever gotten out of Dodge and we’re only doing so this time if Gustav is a giant Stasi agent of a storm headed right towards us.

So it’s time to wait watch and prepare. I don’t think freaking out helps anything but I understand why folks who were hit hard in 2005 are flipping out. It’s time for us to be ghouls and root for Gustav to go elsewhere which only people in the Hurricane belt are allowed to do.  I usually hope that storms head to Kleberg County Texas home of the King Ranch where there are more cattle than people. So Gustav moove in that direction so the followers of chaos won’t get out of control:

Delusional In DC & Debrisville

Wed, 22 Mar 2006 06:00:00

Item-1 Delusional In DC: On the Third Anniversary of his idiotic imperial war in Iraq President Beavis told yet another whopper. Here’s part of his press conference exchange with Helen Thomas:

MS. THOMAS: I’d like to ask you Mr. President your decision to invade Iraq has caused the deaths of thousands of Americans and Iraqis wounds of Americans and Iraqis for a lifetime. Every reason given publicly at least has turned out not to be true. My question is why did you really want to go to war? From the moment you stepped into the White House from your Cabinet — your Cabinet officers intelligence people and so forth — what was your real reason? You have said it wasn’t oil — quest for oil it hasn’t been Israel or anything else. What was it?

THE PRESIDENT: I think your premise — in all due respect to your question and to you as a lifelong journalist — is that — I didn’t want war. To assume I wanted war is just flat wrong Helen in all due respect…

President Mars didn’t want war? I did not know that. The rest of his colloquy with Ms. Thomas was standard boilerplate Beavis: 9/11 bad; Saddam bad; Taliban bad; 9/11 bad; Saddam bad; Taliban bad…

What really scares me about President Beavis is that he believes this nonsense. I’ll take a cynic who lies and enjoys doing it like Tricky Dick any day over this delusional bible thumping chickenhawk. The good news is that people finally seem to be tuning him out. That’s what happens when you keep chanting simplistic slogans like my personal favorite: “Freedom is on the march.” Whoever wrote that line is smoking crack which rhymes with Iraq…

Prediction: The Homeland Insecurity Department will issue an increased terrorism alert some time soon. It happens every time Beavis gets in trouble and this time he’s neck deep in shit and sinking fast…

Item-2 Delusional In Debrisville: President Beavis isn’t the only one who acts like he’s smoking wacky tobacky C Ray made some amazing assertions to the AP:

“We should be able to sustain another Katrina ” the mayor said. “If a Category 5 hits us probably the city will be gone and the levees will still be standing. The work they’re doing is just incredible ” Nagin said of ongoing work by the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers.”

Let’s see we’re supposed to trust both C Ray *and* the Corps. If you believe them I have a bridge I’d like to sell you in Brooklyn…

Here’s another gem from Hizzonner: “People are pretty attuned to leaving if I say you have to leave so I don’t see that as being as much of a challenge ” he said.”

Jahwohl Herr Burgomeister. We are attuned to the voices in your head…Oops I said that I’d give up crazy jokes. You didn’t really believe me did you? Good. I write *about* delusional people not *for* them.

Here’s a potential campaign slogan for C Ray: Trust Nagin-Steady reliable and consistent in a crisis except when he changes his mind every 27 minutes. I guess that’s too long to be a good slogan. Oh well. Btw twenty years ago I would have asked C Ray what he was smoking and where I could score some…